he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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