it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
