I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
