Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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