i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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