my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
