he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
