If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
