My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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