Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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