Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
