Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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