I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
