This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
