Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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