she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It's never too late to be topless.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
