Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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