matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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