And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Text me some of your sweat
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize