then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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