His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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