i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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