im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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