I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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