Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
