U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
