11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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