its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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