found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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