Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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