im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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