hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
where does the pee come out of this thing
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
