Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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