what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
