it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
