you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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