we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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