I must be too annoying 4 u.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize