You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
