I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
