PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
