is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
did i just pee glitter
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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