Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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