my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
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he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
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I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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