i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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