I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Randomize
