Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
