haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
