Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
