i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
