I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Everclear isn't food dammit
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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