His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
