Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
