pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
