why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
