Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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