So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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