She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
