Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
