You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
