Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
