Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
