We're facebook friends in real life
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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