it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
