There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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