Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
