Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
