I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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