Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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