Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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