Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
