wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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