I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
