I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
porn star boner night. come get it.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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