Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
