All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
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We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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