I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.