You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...