a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
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