I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober