Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?

(503): View more from Oregon

Succeeded.

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(404): I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life? (503): Succeeded. http://tfl.nu/i020

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(651): View more from Minnesota

my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!

(651): View more from Minnesota

I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends

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(651): my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing! (651): I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends http://tfl.nu/p5go

Replies (5) Good night (839) Bad night (1945)
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(954): View more from Florida

all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser

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(954): all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser http://tfl.nu/xbi4

Replies (17) Good night (4931) Bad night (1560)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.

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(413): I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic. http://tfl.nu/sxvb

Replies (80) Good night (31794) Bad night (1335)
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(703): View more from Virginia

Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.

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(703): Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time. http://tfl.nu/wm5x

Replies (12) Good night (676) Bad night (3933)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage

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(609): This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage http://tfl.nu/v5ez

Replies (26) Good night (7381) Bad night (1267)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.

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(920): The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap. http://tfl.nu/xkff

Replies (8) Good night (704) Bad night (4454)
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(954): View more from Florida

We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.

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(954): We're sending your burrito through the mail slot. http://tfl.nu/pddr

Replies (4) Good night (3950) Bad night (868)
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(937): View more from Ohio

Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?

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(937): Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes? http://tfl.nu/r1tf

Replies (14) Good night (5143) Bad night (982)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"

(774): View more from Massachusetts

It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"

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(774): If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?" (774): It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?" http://tfl.nu/cbil

Replies (8) Good night (2716) Bad night (829)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies

(612): View more from Minnesota

Stop drinking before 5

(651): View more from Minnesota

Easier said than done

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(651): Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies (612): Stop drinking before 5 (651): Easier said than done http://tfl.nu/j7cm

Replies (3) Good night (1556) Bad night (842)
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(207): View more from Maine

he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else

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(207): he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else http://tfl.nu/pyqa

Replies (4) Good night (916) Bad night (1530)
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(812): View more from Indiana

he went at my nipples like a starved dog.

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(812): he went at my nipples like a starved dog. http://tfl.nu/ku4j

Replies (11) Good night (730) Bad night (1508)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.

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(978): He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick. http://tfl.nu/adsg

Replies (5) Good night (1219) Bad night (278)
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(251): View more from Alabama

The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging

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(251): The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging http://tfl.nu/8h2b

Replies (1) Good night (331) Bad night (111)

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