Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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