It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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