Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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