I hate all girls vehemently.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
